Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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