yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
