oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's the barista slut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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