Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm at about main and main street
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
