when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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