I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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