dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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