Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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