i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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