hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
4 words: hood of his car
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
