Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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