It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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