I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize