All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize