There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No subtext here. People are naked.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
