And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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