That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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