"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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