is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
