I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
