wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
