I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
