drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
