I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
