Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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