Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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