Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
