Be still, my beating vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
be right there i have to get my cape
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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