final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize