final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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