meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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