She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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