Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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