I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
