So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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