I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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