So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
