It was confusing and full of hummus
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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