I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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