White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
