just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
