I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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