can u get pink eye on your cock?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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