singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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