My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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