I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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