we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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