The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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