Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
