When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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