i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
