Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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