Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
