Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
