32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
