kristin has been a bad kristin
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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