Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
