I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
