will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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