i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
