Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
