she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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