I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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