not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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