How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I believe in your delicious
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
