Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
