this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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