she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
