walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if only i could text you this smell
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
