Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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