im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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