i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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