I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
